A hidden pearl

There are some great things about getting older – one of them is the freedom to listen to what I want. When I was younger I was sometimes a bit scared of being ridiculed for liking certain kind of music. Now I’m listening to everything. One day it’s Miles Davis, Frank Sinatra or Maria João, the next day it’s Arvo Pärt, Mozart or Shostakovich, Amy Grant, U2, George Michael, The Beatles, Rufus Wainwright, Eva Cassidy, Andrae Crouch or Underworld. Being able to listen to it all on my MP3-player or computer has really revolutionized the way I listen to music. Today I ripped one of my old CD’s that would have embarrassed me fifteen years ago: “Open Road” with Gary Barlow, yes it’s the lead singer of Take That. He was more or less forgotten as soon as the band was history. The album “Open Road” was his debut as a solo-artist. A lot of the album is very ordinary, and some of the songs are really bad, but suddenly there are a couple of songs that are really extraordinary. Especially the title song “Open Road” – it’s a hidden pearl that I’ve listened to every now and then the last years. Sometimes I get a yearning for that song – do you know the feeling? The feeling that certain songs are there to get you through life, to make you go on. Mr. Barlow has given me one of those songs. In the middle of a lot of superficial pop music that soon will be forgotten, I find this little pearl of a song. I can’t imagine what lies behind these lyrics, but here are a few lines of a song that goes beyond a superficial surface:

My life is extraordinary bare,
I fought the fear and chased the pain,
My life doesn’t need to be explained.
I chose to walk this life as one.
Sometimes as I live upon my island,
cut off from emotions and its pain,
that’s when I am tempted by the waters,
the waters that can take me far away,
so I’ll just keep on walking down this open road,
hoping someone somewhere needs me,
so I’ll just keep on walking down this open road.
Talking to the man who knows me,
yes he knows me,
the man is me….

Confronting the past

This morning I was browsing through old things and I found my old journals. Since I was 16 – 17 years old I wrote a journal every day (until I was 30). A few words, but some days I wrote a little bit more. Some years I wrote a lot. I opened one of these books this morning, and I must admit I was surprised of what I read. I’m puzzled by the person that shines through in this book. What a self-righteous, fundamentalist, scary person, but at the same time vulnerable and emotional. At one side touched by God’s love and power, at the other side using spirituality to control and as a crutch so that I wouldn’t have to make my own decisions.
Was that really who I was? YES, and meeting my past through my own writing makes me uncomfortable, but at the same humble. It’s so easy to blame others for what was wrong in my life, but for the last 10 – 15 years I’ve been aware of the fact that I was responsible for my life, not others. I’m impressed by some of the people that met me with so much grace.

I’m mostly happy about where I am today, but reading those words from my past makes me realize that I always have to struggle to become a better man. Not running away from my mistakes and wrongdoings and the lack of grace and love in my personality, but struggling to improve and telling the world that this is who I am - a person worth loving, but also with weaknesses - in need of love, but most of all: in need of grace!

Freedom of the Seas in Oslo

Freedom of the Seas leaving Oslo (Photo: Norwegianblogger April 2006)

I was able to catch a glimpse of the world's biggest cruise-ship Freedom of the Seas when it was leaving Oslo this week. It was an impressive sight. Last year I saw Queen Mary II here in Oslo, which was the biggest ship last year. Where is this gigantomania going to end? I like the ships though. By the way, on my way home I saw former Prime Minister of Norway, Kåre Willoch in the Underground station. It's great to live in a country where we're still able to meet politicans at the bus or in the U-station.

Spring - New life

"Blåveis" in Asker, Norway (Photo: Norwegianblogger April 2006)

Today it's raining and it's cold, but yesterday was a great day here in Southern Norway. I visited my sister and her family in Asker Friday and Saturday and we had a wonderful time at one of the beaches in Asker. We had a fire, played cards and spent hours in the sun. There was still some snow here and there, but suddenly we came to a place with a lot of flowers called "Blåveis" in Norwegian (I don't know the English name). That flower is one of the first signs of spring here in Norway, and it was great seeing it once more. It's reassuring to see that there's new life - in 2006 as well. Spring is here - and it's more than welcome!

Ikea madness

Moving into a new apartment means buying new things. One of the best spots to shop is of course IKEA. Yesterday I thought I would have an easy time shopping since I was there early, but NO! The parking lot was packed with cars and inside there were thousands of people, among them hundreds of kids screaming and running between the furniture. I've heard it's like that every day, and in Oslo there are two enormous IKEA shopping malls. It's incredible, but understandable. It's cheap, and the quality is OK. The Swedish meatballs in the cafeteria are a treat as well. I'm having my Easter vacation but going shopping and working as a handy-man at home feels like work. I'm not a great shopper. Buying curtains, clothes, blinds and other things is tiring, but give me a DVD, CD or computers / electronics shop, and I've got a smile on my face. Unfortunately that's not what I have to buy these days.....

A week in transition

Moving in!

I'm recovering after a week of change, both at home and at work. Thursday and Friday I was moving into my own apartment after staying in a shared flat (as a renter) for more than five years. From the first moment I felt at home - and I think I'll have a great time living there. Especially I enjoy the view. Unfortunately I lost 2/3 of my clothes, a suitcase, a couple of photo albums and 6 volumes of Asterix books - a burglar got hold of it during the weekend in my locked room in the basement. Now I have to report it to the police, to my insurance company and probably go through a lot of bureaucracy. Hopefully I will be able to replace the clothes later on, it's sadder with my photos from my journey to Asia. They're probably gone forever - if I don't find the negatives. Saturday I spent the whole day moving at work - a lot of work, but it was great to spend time with my colleagues and also with my co-blogger Nissekona. We had a lot of fun!

Nissekona in action.